What Abraham Lincoln Would’ve Said About Ranker Comics If He Were Still Alive (And, You Know, a Comics Fan)
by Ranky (said in the voice of Abraham Lincoln)
Four score and seven days ago, our Ranker fathers brought forth on this continent Ranker Comics, a new and mighty crowdsourced opinion subsite on the entire comic book universe, conceived in fandom, and dedicated to the ludicrous proposition that all opinions on Batman are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war between DC Comics and Marvel, testing whether that Ranker Comics nation, or any Ranker.com subsite so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war: our parents basements. We have come to dedicate a portion of the Ranker site as a final resting place for all 17 fans of Aquaman who here gave their opinions, so that Ranker Comics might live to finally find out who would win in a fight between The Hulk and Superman. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this, considering that Ranker.com has 17 million uniques and 6 million votes per month.
But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground without the explicit authorization of Mom (it’s her house). The brave Cheetos, Queso and Flaming Hot, who were eaten here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract the 317 irritating times Jean Grey died. The world will little note, nor long remember what other comic book websites say, but it will never forget what Ranker Comics did here.
It is for us the stay at home fans, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work of deciding which superhero had the most “emo moment,” a critical issue which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us fans to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us (besides moving out): that from these honored geek battles we take increased devotion to the DC v. Marvel debates for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these Ranker Comics voters shall not have voted in vain—that this Ranker Comics nation, under The Living Room, shall have a new birth of fandom—and that comic book opinions of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.